5-a-Day

Yes, eating 5+ fruits and vegetables a day is extremely important, especially during this heat wave. Not only do they help keep you hydrated & supply a variety of vitamins and minerals, but they provide you with all-important fiber which contributes to keeping you “regular.”

While veggies & such are important (& I love my insulated 5-a-day lunch bag) it’s not what I’m talking about. My 5-a-day comes from a really cool journal I came across at Barnes & Noble the other day. It was in Spanish and had space for you to write in the date with a quote reminding you that you can find at least 5 things to be grateful for each day. So here goes:

Finishing jury duty by noon today and knowing I don’t have to go back for a year

Having A/C in my truck

The ability to read & write

Having A/C in my house

Simple joys like a friend writing about grinding on jiu jitsu Hump Day

No they didn't! T.W.I.S.

I can't believe they made another Fast and the Furious movie.

And Al Gore is my president.

Does anyone know what TTOW means?

Futbol - the sport of all nations

I was asked today what my favorite soccer memory was by a co-worker asking only to be facetious. Just trying to make a point. He was saying that soccer is for suckers who can't make it in other sports. I think he was surprised when I couldn't narrow down my futbol memories to just one. I guess it's just a prime example of the Orange County-centric mind -- like the unfortunate cute old racist man in the circle decrying bank loans for immigrants. Dismissing a worldwide sport/obsession/lifestyle as child's play because you simply don't get it.

So here they are, my top futbol memories:

(Although I'm not usually big on most things Argentina - I renounce my renouncement when it comes to Argentinean food & futbol.)

Mexico 1986 - World Cup Final - Argentina v West Germany:
I'm almost nine years. My dad's been teaching me the rules - what off sides mean, when you get a corner (tiro de esquina), when you get a throw-in, yellow cards (tarjeta amarilla), red cards (tarjeta roja), etc. - through the whole tournament. His enthusiastic little tomboy. THIS IS IT! The final moments finally take us into a tie at 2-2. Then Maradona scores the clincher. Argentina wins the world cup.

Italy 1990 - World Cup Final - Argentina v Germany
Sergio Goycochea moves up to become one of the greatest goalies ever. The referee awards Germany with a penalty kick for a "penalty" that didn't happen. Argentina lost the cup. The referee was chased off the field by angry players and fans. My first instance of sports rage.

USA 1994
When the World Cup takes place in your country, you are automatically entered into the tournament, so my USA was finally able to play. They didn't do well, but it was exciting, nevertheless. My parents wouldn't let me go see a game with my uncle in Northern California or Texas. My friend met Sergio Goycochea before one of these games.

France 1998
Ricky Martin performs "La Copa de la Vida" at the opening ceremony.

This is just a minute sample of the impact futbol has taken in my life. When I hear about 30 million people celebrating in the streets over a home run or a touchdown, give me a call. Until then, I'll be here cheering for skillful gol after gol.

A letter to my candy

Dear Mars Incorporated: Starburst Division: Limited Edition Department:

I accidentally tried a new product of yours yesterday. Low blow. Was that sale worth it? I don't think so because you may have completely turned me off of Starburst forever. The packaging of your Limited Edition product is so similar to the Original Fruits packaging--in fact, it's the same except for a small additional stamping saying "Limited Edition Icy Bursts," that I didn't notice as I bought it. All I look for when I pick my Starburst out is the yellow packaging with the red Original Fruits label on the end. So there I was, getting ready for a hellish commute home from Orange County. I popped a pink Starburst into my mouth as I got on the 55. Mmm, good. Then....what the #%@$. If I wanted minty in the middle of fruity, I'd stuff an Altoid in a strawberry & call it a day. But you don't see mint-stuffed strawberries, do you? And why is that? Because it's silly, perhaps?! Or maybe it's because IT'S GROSS!! Do you know that my husband and I discussed this atrocity ALL THE WAY HOME? At least give me some warning - I'm a busy woman, I don't have time to read the fine print on my candy.

Also, I just visited your website & I found it extremely annoying. (Blog readers: check it out and let me know what you think - oh, and have your speakers on: Starburst website.) Why, Starburst, why? I think I'm going to have to stick with my good ol' Willy Wonka Nerds. The unmistakable pink and purple won't ever trick me.

Your formerly loyal customer,

Egg

Just Shoot Me

So I haven't posted a blog in quite a while... I asked for an interactive push, but it wasn't quite enough. Well it's been that and the fact that I started a new full-time job in addition to my regular job, so things have been hectic. Lucky for me, this lazy Memorial Day weekend allowed Nash and myself to catch up on our DVR shows. I think we were down to 6 hours left (out of 100). We caught up with almost all of our shows: Alias, Love Monkey, ER, Ellen, Deal or No Deal...

This is where this blog begins. If I ever define myself by who my husband is...JUST SHOOT ME!! There was this one contestant on the show. I think her name was Renee. Not sure because I was too disgusted to care too much, but nevertheless, what I do remember is that her husband, Jeremy, is in the Marines and in Iraq. This is how she describes herself when Howie asks her to tell him about herself. Are we in the freakin' 1950s? I thought that's what women did before they were "allowed" to be their own worth. Cute, skinny, dumb trophy wife. WTF?

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my husband more than I ever imagined I could love someone. I absolutely adore him. I'm proud of his accomplishments. I'm proud of who he is and I'm proud to be his wife. That said, I do not define myself by my husband. Nashy's a huge part of what my life is about, but before there was Nash -- there was Evelyn (and that's prounounced Eveleen for those of you who don't know-- the way my immigrant parents pronounced it as they chose it for me.) I have always had me, Evelyn-- outspoken, tree-hugger, feminist, strong, idealist, independent, bossy, Democrat, opinionated, sweet. 'Nuf said.

Most of my friends know how I feel about: this war, our "president" George W. Bush, immigration "reform", etc. So with that put aside (except for this: "You go, Neela!!"), I can't believe that this just happened on my TV set. And I probably shouldn't be surprised about blatant pre-feminism embodied in this Renee lady. Not surprised at all after I receive a blatantly racist advertisement from Dan Branstine with Mexifornia as the title and the outline of California covered in the Mexican flag. This asshole is running for State Assembly asking for my vote on the premise that he stands strong on the issue of secure borders and no amnesty. Just great, another example of why people talk shit about the 951/909.

I just don't know what else to say. You got me Renee and Dan. Just shoot me.

So I need an interactive push...

I have all these half-written blogs on a piece of paper that I take notes on when I'm "inspired." It makes me feel important. Also, I started a second job on Friday & it is so hectic. I like it, but almost all of my free time is gone-- not something I'm used to not having. Anyways, I can't decide which topic to expand on, so I need your help. Here are my possible upcoming topics. Let me know which you'd like to see:

• Better than cheese - could it be possible?
  
• People that brake
• Needles & ATP
• Post-it notes on the brain
• Adhesives
• Mid-life crisis @ 28
• Blogging withheld
• The Dogs of Our Lives
• The VIP treatment
  

Thanks!!

I'm back

I disappeared off of cyberspace somewhere in the middle of my vacation. I still haven't had much inspiration for an updated blog, so I'll share some pictures of random things I've captured in the past few weeks - most of these pictures were taken through the car window because I've been scared to roll it down since the incident w/ the passenger side window. It's actually added some interesting detail.

The Palmdale desert w/ the snow-speckled Angeles Crest Mountains behind it

My husband's train riding away towards the OC in the wee hours of the morning

The road to take Grandpa Tom to the doctor after the rain washed away the pollution

A plane that just landed at March ARB on the way to the grandparents through the 215

Fog in the mountains behind the dog park

This is what I'm talking about when I say I live in The Glorious I.E.

Vacation - Day 4

My aunt & uncle, our only relatives in the United States, are not doing very well health-wise, so my parents decided that they are going to go and help out for a while. I wanted to see them before their trip because we hardly ever get the chance to do so plus we take any opportunity to go to Porto's! I'm pretty sure that my dad hasn't flown since we came to California from Connecticut (25 years ago) and my mom hasn't flown since at least 10 years ago, so Nash & I tried to prepare them for what to expect: ie. take off ALL non-clothing items & put them in the x-ray machine, (yes, dad, even your keys and your belt key holder & your cell phone....) keep your IDs & boarding passes out, etc. etc. I hope it goes well.

I'm really feeling for my mom because this is probably the last time she will see her sister who is suffering from Alzheimer's & later life. My aunt is the oldest sibling of 5 so she had a big hand in raising her (the youngest) and even though I've not spent much time with my aunt & uncle, they have a special place in my heart because they were responsible for sponsoring my parents into the U.S. 35 years ago & offering our family the opportunities only available in America. I hope this Ft. Lauderdale trip affords them some special time together.

After seeing my parents, it was back home through some serious rain....the kind that makes you sleepy. But we made it home okay. Then to Thai Star to meet our best friend's beau. We really liked him & are very happy for her. Still not sure what we're doing tomorrow, but it's really nice to be home together :)

Vacation - Day 3

Early early morning:

• The boys played a Play Station 2 game called Guitar Hero (or as known by those introducing it to us: Guitar Heroin because of its addictive nature...) You have a fake guitar with different color game buttons on it and you have to hit the right color button as the rock song screen shows you at the same time as you strum the cords....sounds simple, but it can get very complicated. Apparently, you start to feel like a real rock star as the crowd on the screen cheers you on - or boos you off stage. Guitar Heroin has been known to be so addictive, that my friend, who shall remain nameless, actually put Ben-Gay or IcyHot on his hand after hours of hand-cramping game play just so that he could go a few more hours! It was actually very fun to watch & to rock out to classic bands & some not-so-classic bands such as the one that sings: a e i o u in Spanish!
• I prepared Nash's famous Cranappletinis for everyone (cranberry juice w/ apple vodka) - they were a hit!
• Then we broke out James' Scene-It game. This was so much fun even though the DVD didn't always work and we had to invent our own rules. Nash won.
• Finally crashed somewhere between 2 and 3 a.m.

Real morning:

• When we finally got up around 9 or so, we made our way over to our favorite San Diego breakfast eatery, The Spice House Cafe. Thanks to Tina & Scott for introducing us to this great place 3 years ago- we go there every time we visit San Diego. (For those of you that remember our anniversary trip last year, this was the place where I sobbed because the ketchup exploded all over me!) If you ever get the chance to try it, go for it...the French Toast is UNBELIEVABLE! Trust me. The Greek Omelette is also great!

Mid-day:

• We went back to Lou's to rest off the food coma until the early afternoon & then we made our way back home to finish off our Cheesecake Factory leftovers.
• Thanks, Lou & James, for your generous hospitality. We loved every moment of it, especially Princess Anabelle.
  

Afternoon/Evening:
We went to the gym, did one of the Core Performance work outs & a BOSU finisher! Can't remember what happened after that....you're kind of in a daze after staying up that late. I'm sure we watched TV & fell asleep at some point.

Vacation - Day 2

• Worked out (sans Sharlene ?)
  
• Cleaned up the house
• Picked up the rental car
• Dropped the truck off at the shop for the new windshield et. al.
• Stopped by the bank to make a deposit: BY THE WAY - If you are a banking professional in a branch and deal with customers in any manner, here's a customer service tip: KEEP THE STRIPPER SHOES AT HOME!!! especially if your footsies just hang off the front and the sides, please.

We finally met up w/ Luigi in the early afternoon:

• Watched his roommate's dog, Anabelle chase balls & RC cars in the yard (so cute!)
• Went over to the Wild Animal Park where we saw the lion cub, Koza, being silly & adorable in his pen. His companion, Cairo, an English Mastiff, was nearby keeping an eye on the situation. We also rode the tram, saw some cool animals (It was freezing, though!)
• Went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (yay!) and went over to The Container Store (double yay!) while we waited for a table. Had a number of Bellini's & about 1/3 of my food.
• Back to Lou's w/ some NewCastle, Heineken & my new-found like Hornsby's
  

The night is young....

Vacation - Day 1

Today was the start of our "vacation" at home since D.C. and Michigan fell through. Northwest Airlines sucks.

• Dropped Nash off at the train so he could go to work
• I worked out with Sharlene (who kicked my butt in Boot Camp Amazing Race last week :( but good for you, Shar!)
  
• Walked/ran the Belle dog
• Picked Nash up from work (co-workers said they wanted to have him removed from the premises since he was officially supposed to not be there!)
• Walked/ran the godpuppies
• Hung out with Nash

Still to do:

• Make vegan Tofu PraRam for Jen
• Yoga
• Pick up antibiotics for stupid sinus infection just in time for our vacation

Oprah in touch?

I had to DVR Oprah today because Beyonce was going to have a big announcement. It's not that I can't pass up anything Beyonce, but I like her music and I was intrigued by the commercial teaser. It turned out that Beyonce and her momma, Tina Knowles, are coming out with a clothing line. The premise is to offer affordable designer clothes to the general public. Some of it was cute. Slutty. Whatever. The point is that when Oprah asked them what the cost is, they said that jeans start at $118 and blouses at $100!!!!

Now, I've watched Oprah on and off since I was a kid, mostly on. My mom and I used to watch her when I'd get home from school when I was in junior high. And even with my mom's limited English at the time, we could bond over Oprah. We'd cry over the inspirational stories of people overcoming great odds, reunions of students with their favorite teachers, heroes being rewarded, etc. But in the last 7-8 years or so, Oprah has seemed a little more removed from the general public for me. There were the seasons where she sang the theme song herself -- you're talented, Op, but there are some things you should just let be; the too NewAgey for me Remembering Your Spirit sessions at the end of the show; calling $500 handbags "reasonable", etc. Even today, she chuckled about how much money she was making in 1984 - $24,000. Hey, I know plenty of people who make it on 24 Gs per year - combined!!! That's right...in 2006!!

So I was pleasantly surprised to hear Oprah question the price tag on this new clothing line by saying, "So you have to work to buy these." (Not that I think people shouldn't work to buy their clothing...but, really, me & $118 at Ross or Marshall's can fill up a Hefty bag {I once bought an entire business outfit, including shoes, for $50} [oh, and it takes quite a bit of time for most of us to earn $118, anyways]) And Momma Knowles says, "That's affordable, Oprah."

What? I don't think I can even go on. How out of touch can you get?

The Boot Camp blogs

More MySpace re-posts:

Monday, November 28, 2005
Judge Judy is 10 years old

That's right. She's celebrating 10 years on TV this season. That doesn't seem right....hasn't she been on like 3 or 4 years? If she's been on 10 years that means that her show came on TV when I was 18. That wasn't that long ago, was it? I can't possibly be 10 years away from 18, can I?
Oh crap! That was 10 years ago!!

That was a Prilosec-free life -- the days of PB&J and pizza without heartburn. The days of the Silver Bullet and cows along the 15. The first run of My So-Called Life and Jordan Catalano's sexy lean. My run of the field with my soccer ball. The library, the cafeteria, the dorm, "the apartment," The Attic, Jamie, Ronnie, Fidel, Blackie, my house on Dixon (my parents still in Glendale), size 8. Good places, good people, good fun.

And life goes on. People pass away. Cars burn down. People get fat. Parents move. Friends get closer. New jobs come along. New people come along. New places come along. New fun comes along. Husbands. The late 20s come along. The 30s get closer. Life gets different, better.
And today is the start of "bootcamp"--another hurdle I've paid for in the quest for a smaller, lower-cholesterol, lower-blood pressure, healthier version of me. The start of cooking again. The continuation of a better life.

And who cares if I still watch MTV?

Thursday, December 01, 2005
Uninspired

Ever have one of those days where you want to get things done, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is you want to do? Not lazy like most days. Uninspired. Of course, it doesn't help that your triceps are so sore you've been reaching your face down to your hand instead of hand to face every time the phone rings or you want to eat...but that's supposed to be a good thing, a receipt for all the hard work. After all I did enroll myself in bootcamp--on purpose, and even paid to do it--so I should be all fired up, shouldn't I? Crazy Egg. We've all seen her.

So what do I want to be inspired to do? More 'Lick Lou' promotion? Keep reading 'Blink'? Install my new printer? Back up photos from my slowly dying PC? Sell a program? Exercise? Do the home-study con. ed. course that's been sitting here 3 weeks? Come up with a catchy name for the group blog I want to start? Come up with a list of friends who actually want to participate in the group blog? Find my documentation so that I can keep my ACSM cert? Not sure.

At least the day wasn't a total waste. I drank all the water I wanted to drink--2 days off of carbonation & caffeine (hooray, no headache yet!) Did a load of laundry. Spent quality time with my favorite kitty like I promised. Dropped off my prescription. Finished a work assignment. Had a great dinner with great friends. Watched the Donald fire 2 people in the boardroom! (awesome!) Updated my blog. I guess today wasn't so bad, not exactly inspired, but somewhat accomplished.

So tomorrow, I will kick off my day with a booty-kicking in Boot Camp. And when I have to rate my day's effort at the end of class, it's gonna be a 10 ...not one squat unsquatted, not one push-up unpushed. No opportunity wasted. Watch out, world. Crazy Egg is on a mission!

Monday, December 12, 2005
Beautiful surprise

6:15 a.m. Friday morning. The sun's glow peeked up at me from somewhere behind Lake Matthews. Orange and pink hues, beautifully combined but still defined, like the leaves on the tree by Elm Street. The air was crisp, clean, and surprisingly, not that cold. And although the sun was not yet in sight, the makings of a beautiful sunrise were present. It's amazing how God sends rain to clean out the sky. No smog. No fog. No gloomy clouds. The start of a glorious day.

I got to bootcamp 10 seconds too late--20 pushups as an apology. No big deal. I could not be fazed. Pushed out 20 like nothing. What's next? Squats. Sure. Rope jumping. Great. Run down the hill and bear crawl back five times. Wonderful. High-knee, low waddle, lunge, sprint, push-up and curl up through an obstacle course. Psshh. Even lapped someone. C'mon --give me something I can't do. What a 10 day!

As I made my way into OC in the early afternoon I marveled at the rich blue sky. Almost completely clear except for the occasional bright white cloud. It almost hurt to look at it this way, not our usual smog-dulled gray. I took in the semi-green semi-lush hillsides. Not green and lush like after the spring rains when the IE is a sight to behold. Not exactly brown either like when my co-worker from New York visited and asked what the dirt mounds were. They're our mountains. The splendid 951.

My body still buzzed from the workout. Or the allergens pushed, scraped and injected into me yesterday and the histamines they all released. It's official. Grass and oak trees and maple trees and pine trees and seven others that I can't remember. Plus a strong recommendation to exercise inside a gym. A supplement called Primal Defense. Daily squirting of baking soda, salt and Betadine up my nostrils. Perhaps a wheat-free existence. And shots twice a week. For a year. Hopefully.

I'm strong. Powerful. Some days more than others. But willing to find my beautiful surprise.

Cold Front

It's cold in Southern California!!! That's right, folks. It's in the 30s at night (mid & upper 30s) and in the 60s during the day. Whoa. Alert the media....oh, they already have it covered. The first 4 minutes of the news I'm watching was all about how cold it is and how people are having to put more clothes on than usual to stay warm. Are they freaking kidding me? I know Paul Moyer and his ALF looking face is going to look grim about this tonight. Make sure and cover it with your Doppler, Paul.

2nd story: Pedophile attacks near an elementary school
3rd story: Newborn baby found dead near train tracks

And they have the nerve to call themselves the news?

48 things about me...

MySpace re-post
Monday, November 14, 2005

Getting to know me…

• My dog broke my nose last December.....twice. But here's the kicker--it's 'cause she was afraid of a cat! The first time, she leaped over a table and a couch right into my nose so as to avoid walking by the kitty; the second time, she did one of those quick turn-your-whole-body-around crashing your hard head into mom's broken nose 'cause I'm paranoid moves because the kitty jumped on the back of the couch and she was in my lap and thought the vicious kitty was going to hurt one of us.
• My husband didn't believe me....but my doctor confirmed it by my signs/symptoms: the clicking of cartilage and pain in the bridge of my nose, not to mention the swelling, but said there was nothing we could do besides keeping dogs from jumping into my face with their heads....which is hard for me to keep from happening!
• I get heartburn when I eat peanut butter and jelly....which I used to do every day of my life in high school with NO problems
• I make the text in my web browser large so that I can see it. That's why I love Mozilla Firefox because it's much easier to do than in Explorer. You just press 'Control' and the + or - key. You can make text HUGE!
• I've had 3 surgeries in my life: 2 on my toes! and 1 to remove my wisdom teeth. I ate pizza after each surgery.
• Currently, guayava con queso from Porto's is my favorite food sandwich. You eat one, then eat your meal, and then you eat another. So yummy!
• Karma's a bitch: When I was little, I tripped my sister, which caused a split in her lip which caused her to have confidence issues as a teenager......so after 20 or so years with 4 weeks exactly to the day of my wedding, I kissed my neighbor's dog and he didn't want to be kissed and he tore open my lip so bad that you could see my teeth through the hole! and I had to get lots of painful stitches and now it looks like I used to have a piercing there.
• When my lip was torn open by a dog bite, my husband and I were calm, but if you were to throw some kind of slimy bug at us, we'd run around screaming like babies and I'd have a panic attack.
• I like going to the dentist. And I think that my dentist and my primary care doc are both super cool.
• I've never experienced brain freeze.
• I've never eaten a Twinkie.
• I didn't eat Doritos until my senior year in high school.
• I love cheese.
• I'd rather have dogs than kids.
• My dog has a Coach collar and leash and a string of pearls in her collection of things every dog needs.
• I used to be a personal trainer...after I got fat the first time and before I got fat the second time.
• I used to teach 6-8 Spinning classes a week for over a year.
• I ran a half-marathon. and then I stopped moving for a couple years.
• I enjoy Ashlee Simpson's Autobiography CD.
• I've had the same email address for over 9 years.....and only a select few have that address....the rest of you email me @ Yahoo.
• I didn't start having alcoholic drinks until I was 27. White Russians and Strawberry Margaritas are my favorites, followed by Mudslides.
• I highly dislike chocolate, although I'd be willing to try it with cheese.
• I worked in a library for 6 years.
• My husband and I got married by our friend....we asked him to marry us on a whim while we were at lunch....and he said yes so he got ordained online!
• Including my husband, I've only had one sexual partner!
• I check my cholesterol at least every 2 months. It's been as high as 289, but my HDL will always kick your HDL's ass.
• I took a picture with "The Big Banana" in Queensland, Australia and with an Aborigine in Sydney.
• I went to Chiapas, Mexico by myself when I was 19.
• I eat veggie meats named Wham, Prosage Links and Fri-Pats.
• I grew up in Glendale, CA although I was born in Hartford, CT. I hate going to Glendale now because there's so many people but I do it because Porto's and the Argentinian store are there and that's where you can get some of the best eatin' in the valley.
• I've had the same cell phone number for 7 years, except for the area code change.
• When I was a senior in college, my car burned down on a freeway exit ramp. I cried when the firefighter took an ax to the hood to get it open and put out the fire.
• When I was a senior in college, I fell off my bike and tore a ligament in my wrist. The orthopedist I saw didn't know how to deal with wrists, so he put me in a full-arm cast up to my shoulder until I could see the wrist guy.
• When I was in a cast during college, I had to switch cars with my dad because I couldn't drive my stick anymore.
• 5 days after I got my cast off, I was in a wedding, and though I'd desperately tried to tan my right arm to match my left arm, my right arm was stark white and I had to wear a strapless gown like that.
• My wedding dress was cheaper than my wedding hair and makeup!
• I listen to Christian radio when I'm in the car because it helps curb the road rage.
• I recycle and think you should too.
• I am usually very bossy, and then I get mad when people want me to tell them what to do.
• If I had a gun, I'd probably use it-- a lot.
• I've never experimented with drugs.
• I like Luis Miguel's music only. I do not like Luis Miguel. I love Ricky Martin and Ricky Martin's music.
• "Bad of the Heart" by George LaMond is one of my favorite old-school songs.
• I loved New Kids on The Block.
• I've never had a hangover.
• I don't have grandparents, so I took Nash's.
• I love my husband and Belle more deeply than anyone else in the world.

The Ellen Stories

Re-posts of my Ellen stories from MySpace:

Friday, August 19, 2005
The Ellen DeGeneres Show

I've been a long-time Ellen fan. Even through that show...the one that only aired a few times and that lady from the Facts of Life was on it. I watched Ellen kiss my favorite gladiator, Nitro. And when I heard she was going to have a talk show, I waited with baited breath....and loved it. I even recorded the shows on my old-fashioned VCR so I wouldn't miss an episode.

Well, I love the show so much, that I wanted to see Ellen in person, so I requested tickets---nothing. Then my friend requested tickets---nothing. Then I requested tickets in my husband's name---nothing. I don't get it. What do I have to do to see Ellen?

I am such a big fan of the show that I even took a picture for Ellen of a carved owl in the Petrified Forest last year on vacation. Those crazy hoots still crack me up...and that's funny because some of my friends call me "Egg". I found a cool polo shirt that has a cute little owl embroidered on it...I'll wear it to the show!...if I ever get in. There's a bird in my neighborhood that I think Ellen would love to hear...it sounds like a monkey! I know this all makes sense to those of you who watch the show. Don't I deserve to be able to see it in person?



Well, the final straw came a couple of weeks ago. My husband and I were on our way to Tokyo Yakitori in Burbank...or Glendale, I'm not sure which it is, but anyways, here I am on my way to 'Tokyo', as we call it, and I look to my left, and behold, The Ellen Show studio. So, I already know where it is. Unlike Kitty, I don't mind driving myself all the way from Riverside. I don't need a Hummer limo. I can go in my '84 Dodge Omni, that's OK with me. Heck, I can pick Kitty up on the way if she doesn't mind the heat and the fact that I have no air-conditioning. I just want to see Ellen.

I have come to an important decision. I am removing Ellen from my Dish Pass list on my DVR (yes, I'm moving on up!) until I am granted the opportunity to see the show in real life.
Will you join me? Boycott Ellen.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
The Ellen saga continues....

OK, so yesterday was the first day of the Ellen DeGeneres' show new season, although today was the Season Premiere. and though I tried to get America on my boycott bandwagon (which I was only able to convince Ted & I scared Ferin away), I could not resist my Ellie and had to put her back on Dish Pass on my DVR, with Top Priority, of course. And of course, with all that has happened in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, Ellen has once again stepped up to help as with the tsunami. Her friends and family in Louisiana were majorly affected by Katrina--how could I stay mad at her?!Well, if Ellen happens to read my blog, please know that I never wanted to not watch, nor did I want America to stop either because you are just too funny not to have in our lives. I just want to see the show--in person. Now, please do not come have the show in my house like the lady in Canyon Country. My house is tiny and you would not fit...however, I could always go to Kitty's....she can't live that far from me. and she has to have a large home to be able to fit those funny Great Danes of hers.

So, I have lifted my boycott. Dance on!

Thursday, October 13, 2005
No, I'm not sick, just calling in Ellen.

Guess what phone call I got today?...at 10 a.m.....which woke me up during The Price is Right (I just couldn't stay out of bed this morning-thanks to my Belle dog). So anyways, my phone is ringing and it's Nash asking if I "had" to be anywhere today. "Technically, no." Well, Tony had an extra ticket for the Ellen DeGeneres show and I had to be there in 2 hours if I wanted to go! Did I want to go? Heck yes!

So I straighten my hair and put on my new jeans and some makeup on and ask my friend Jenn to check on my nieces and nephews (the dog & cats) for me at Matt's and send an email to my boss: Hi Denise, didn't get much done on the project you asked me to work on, but I have a chance to see Ellen and just can't pass up this opportunity so I'll work on it tomorrow. bye...Then I hit the road.

We got to the show (Natasha and her mom had saved our place in line all morning --thanks!) and they proceed to tell me that one of the patients (at the clinic) goes to Ellen ALL THE TIME! so he hooked them up with tickets. And then I talked to some other people in line who said all they had to do was fill out the online form and someone called them to give them tickets!!! Do you think Ellen put a ban on me because I tried to boycott her? Nothing came of it, Ellen. I lifted my ban when the new season began and I wasn't convincing anyways!

Regardless, the show was fun. We thought that Kirsten Dunst was going to be the guest, so Meredith (Tony's wife) and I were kind of bummed 'cause we're not fans. But it turns out that was yesterday's taping and today's guests were Amy Brenneman, Jimmy Kimmel and Jeff Corwin. Not bad.....and then, it turned out there was a special guest they had to film ahead of time...you can see that on October 28 to find out who it was...and she was stunning. So we had lots of fun dancing....Meredith taught us her Pussycat Dolls dance and Tony did the worm to win me a T-shirt and I'm very happy.



MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Lost in Cyberspace

I have a new DSL account with SBC/Yahoo or AT&T....can't keep these phone companies straight anymore. Either way, I decided to leave Earthlink after 9 years [among many other reasons, see below] because I can get my services less expensively with the new one. The big problem so far has been that in the changeover from Earthlink to Yahoo ALL MY PREVIOUS YAHOO EMAIL DISAPPEARED! I can't find it anywhere. I have a feeling that when it asked me for my password yesterday morning, it began to import everything into Outlook Express--which is no longer working. All I know is that all the email I've ever received into my Yahoo account is no longer there...that's why I haven't written back to some of you! I can see my new email once now, but it disappears after I look at it! I don't know how to get it back! Hopefully I will have time tomorrow to contact the Yahoo/SBC/ATT tech people and figure out how to get my email, my essence, back from the abyss of cyberspace.

I've had Earthlink services for a really long time....since I started college, back when most of us were not online! I've had friends and family join Earthlink through me, only to see them receive printers and scanners and 6 discounted months at a time. When I realized that my Auto Club membership entitled me to 6 months of discount on my DSL service, I called Earthlink so they could apply the discount to my account and they wouldn't allow it because I had a discount once when I bought my new computer through Dell for 3 months! What the hell? I don't understand why I can't have all the discounts I'm entitled to. I have, after all, been a loyal paying customer since 1997! It's not like I want them all at the same time. Just one discount at a time. I don't even want the same discount twice, just once...when I'm entitled to it. When I asked them if I could have the discount if I cancelled my account and started a new one, they said yes! What kind of logic is this? Has customer service just completely gone to pot?!

But I'm so attached to my email address of 9 years, so I'm keeping it for now, 'til I can figure this out. I think I'm going to have to write them a letter & see what they're willing to do to keep a customer. They ought to know that I'm one of those people that is majorly brand loyal. I've never even considered another cell phone carrier because Verizon has been great. I only buy California Real Cheese (even if Wisconsin puts out some good stuff). Heinz Ketchup is the only way to go. We always ask for Steven at El Torito because he offers the kind of customer service I can appreciate. Then there's Eric at K.O. and Bob at McKinley Auto - all about customer service. And I like to tell everyone about my good experiences with a company, but when you piss me off, you better believe lots more people are going to hear about it, Earthlink!!

Any similar experiences?

A funny thing happened on the way…

Yesterday, I went in for my allergy shots and was waiting out my 20 minutes (they want to make sure you’re not having a reaction before you leave) with an old Newsweek. I have to mention the funniest quote I read. It was from a high school valedictorian, whom, in his graduation speech, thanked the school for giving him the minimum education necessary to “work any position in any McDonald’s anywhere.” Ha ha!!

Anyways, I realized that my 20 minutes were up and went back in the office to get my ‘all clear.’ I was in my workout clothes because I had come directly from Boot camp, where, by the way, my drill instructor decided to “step it up a notch” for which I’m paying today. Both nurses were at the front desk and a female patient was standing there as well. I unzipped my hoodie and let it slide down as far as my elbows. I turned around to show them the back of my left arm first, and then the back of my right. Apparently I looked like a gun show, at least to Crazy Lady, as I now call her: “What? Are you showing them your cuts? I have cuts!” At first I thought she had actual cuts & was wondering how you get cut all over the back of your arms. We all looked at her in bewilderment as she pulled her shirt over her head and started flexing!!!!

Crazy Lady: See? I have cuts! Mine are natural.

Me (thinking): So mine are from roids or something? But saying: I lift weights. I earned mine.

Crazy Lady: I do Pilates.

Me: So do I.

Crazy Lady: Mat or machine?

Me: Mat and reformer

Crazy Lady: Where?

Me: Crabtree Pilates Studio w/ Kelly

Crazy Lady: (deflated) Oh, good for you!

Where are we? Dance 360? (…head to head, head to head…tag your man, tag your man)

Me: They’re checking my shot sites for reactions.

Crazy Lady: oh

I just wanted to get to the rest of my day, but really? Do people walk around showing off their body parts? ...maybe if you have a nice butt and 4 or 5 drinks...

TV NOTE: The Amazing Race starts tonight. It will take teams of 2 further than they've ever gone before. They'll face their fears, reach their limits and reveal their true colors. It could take them apart or bring them together.

I’m in the crew

The Drew Crew. I’m so excited about the finale of Dancing with the Stars tonight. Did you see Drew and Cheryl’s performance on Thursday night? They rocked to Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy. Very fun, very sexy….I think I’m going to Boot Barn to get Nash one of those outfits!

Anyways, I hope tonight works out the way it should. Either way, it’ll be a great show. The only thing that will make it better is if Mike Barz re-enacts the performances tomorrow morning on GMA. I love that guy!

Also, I think Nick should get half of everything Jessica earned during their marriage. If the shoe were on the other foot, we wouldn’t bat a lash. So Nick: get yours! Do you!

That’s right – I don’t need no pill!

Wow. Today’s health fair was a success. 241 participants and about 95 percent them either read my “They don’t put that in a pill” blog or were forewarned. As I rattled off my usual “your LDL is high & likely due to diet, and your HDL is low probably from lack of exercise,” they admitted their wrongdoings!!! Si, señorita, sé por que. They openly admitted to eating too much red meat and cheese and eggs and cream, etc. and to not exercising as they should. It was as if I were the wellness court and they were health criminals, pleading guilty and ready to pay for their misdeeds.

And to encounter those people who do the right things – those whose good cholesterol proves it – was so uplifting. Not to say that everyone was in perfect health. In fact, there were several people I considered to be on the verge of a cardiovascular nightmare; but there were several who wanted updates on their newfound commitments to health. They had cholesterol values up to 40 points less than their last measurement – many in only 2 or 3 months! And to hear how much better they feel now that they exercise brings a smile to my face. What an encouraging day!

One can only wonder what the difference was. The population was demographically similar the last two programs, but this was not like last weekend’s give-me-a- pill-fest. Today was a health educator’s dream.

They don’t put it there! For my health fair participants and anyone else looking for a quick fix

I’ve been trying to write this blog for a few days now. It was much too wordy, so here’s the frustrated gist:

Exercise does not come in a pill!! Big surprise!! You actually have to get off your behind and move your body! Also, please stop acting like you had no idea that you’re overweight – you’re breathless from walking 3 feet and its not ‘cause you’re thin and fit. So until you’ve gotten your act together and begun to change your life for the better, get off my back!!!!

Even the most conservative doctor will give you a few weeks to make lifestyle changes before they put you on meds for your chronic diseases. They’re called chronic diseases because you chronically eat junk and refuse any activity beyond opening the fridge. (And yes, people, I know that genetics has a big part to play in lots of this – you don’t have to tell me!! Blood pressure meds & high cholesterol right here [waving my hands at you] at 26 years old!! Been there, done that!) But lifestyle is even bigger. And yes, if you remain inactive and overweight, you will most likely become diabetic!!! So stop looking for a way around this!!! Like I said, you have to get off your butt and start moving. It worked for me, it will for you too!!! (I was on meds for a year – but with enough weight loss and regular exercise, my BP is now controlled naturally! And I’m no longer on the verge of diabetes!) And you need to give up the junk too. High-fat, high-cholesterol animal products: red meat, eggs, cheese, milk-based creams, etc…..they raise your cholesterol. I gave this junk up almost completely, and brought my cholesterol down from 289 to 201! You can too!!! Oh, and if your excuse is that your kids will complain if they don’t get their junk--- who the hell is in charge here?!? *&%# You’re the parent – it’s your responsibility, not theirs – they’ll get over it!!!

Then there are strokes and heart attacks – what are you going to do if you survive one of those?

Terms of endearment

Mustard
Pickles
Avocados
Barbeque sauce
Curry
Licorice
Root beer & cream soda
Beer beer

I hate these supposedly edible products. They’re deal breakers for me - I’d rather not eat. Just like I don’t use porta-potties - I’d rather not pee. Please don’t think I’m a little princess. I’m actually quite the tomboy. At least compared to most of the women in my life. I don’t like to wear make-up or perfume. I don’t often “do” my hair. Workout pants, tank tops and running shoes are my apparel of choice for most occasions. I wear high heels about once a year and I rarely wear skirts or dresses unless they’re sporty with stripes down the sides or have cargo pockets all over them.

I’m not afraid to get dirty or sweaty or both. A few years ago, I dug out a big oleander tree in our yard, roots and all. I’d wet the moat I’d dug around the tree to soften the dirt around the roots. Then I’d use a pick-axe to leverage the roots out of the ground. It took me several days, but I did it myself. (Though Belle and Fancy helped me dig the moat – also not afraid of mud, like their momma!) The root ball turned out to be bigger & heavier than me, so I needed help getting it into the green waste bin. Still, I felt like Hercules. Or Xena.

I’ve changed quite a few tires in my life, even in the rain. And not because there were no men around. When my little red Hyundai overheated, I replaced the busted hose (which I had to cut to fit) and got my car back on the road. I love to take stuff apart to see how it works even if I can’t always put it back together the right way. I’ve laid block walls. I own a drill press and an air compressor and have a magnetic level stuck to my fridge. I can fix lots of things. You could say I’m handy.

I’m not exactly your girlie-girl. And I’m not graceful or extremely coordinated (which is why I prefer not to use power tools that could hurt me or others). When I decided I needed to change my image so people would take me more seriously professionally, I needed help. I had a Guerilla Makeover in San Francisco. My “Queer-Eye” guy, Charles, first sent me to the Brow Bar at Benefits. Then for a make-up consultation and $150 worth of cosmetics (which took me a year to go through). He helped me pick out 2 professional “grown-up” outfits including “body-lengthening” pointy toe heels. He taught me some basic principles about what kinds of clothes to look for for my body. Lastly, he sent me off to my first non $10 haircut.

It’s been a gradual change over the past 2 years, but it’s not all that bad. And I’m not yet fashion-forward, but I’m trying. I’ve even expanded my make-up collection and I’ve gone for lessons! I still need my oh-so-stylish boy friend, Josh, to help me pick out hot jeans. It’s hard because I’m short, but I have a nice derrière, sot it’s not that hard! I have to consciously fight my urge to walk away from the conservative old-lady clothes I used to gravitate towards.

So when a co-worker greeted me with an “Hola, Princesa!” (“Hello, Princess”) this morning, I was touched by her term of endearment. My husband, who translated it literally in his head, laughed out loud thinking she was calling me a diva!!! Querido, I’m no diva. Just your average, finicky girly tomboy.

26.2

So I’ve decided that I may possibly want to do a marathon. I know, I know - I’ve always said I had no interest in doing one. 26 plus miles is a long way, but, there’s going to be a run in Riverside and that’s just so darn convenient. It’s supposed to start in MoVal somewhere and end at the Mission Inn. That makes me happy & somewhat willing!

Of course, convenience is one thing, but Nash is another. He just completed his second half-marathon - Pacific Shoreline in Huntington Beach, and he did so well. I’m really proud of him and would love to take on this endeavor with him. His training paid off and it would be something productive that we could do together.

The other motivating factor is that I was watching the wheelchair marathoners at the Pacific Shoreline and they were amazing! It makes me want to use my abilities more. I can run, so why not? I could do something constructive with my running, too. That’s why I’m thinking that if I do this, I would like to raise money for Run For Mobility’s Free Wheelchair Mission. They provide wheelchairs for people in underdeveloped countries.

There are also many reasons why I wouldn’t want to do this crazy distance namely: 1) what happened to Tina’s toenail (it’s hard to explain, but it was unpleasant) 2) severe discomfort in general is something I like to avoid 3) what if I have to pee? Or worse? (I generally refuse to use Porta-potties)....but think of the cheese I could eat!!

I know it’s possible for me. After all, I’m not even in my physical prime yet. I still have my 30s to look towards. I know I can do it. If I can walk 7 miles with a backpack and my pink Simples, imagine what I could do with a pair of New Balances, good tunes and a fanny pack (for my snacks & tissues)? I could get some of those 26.2 socks like Hoops! Yes!

Now, don’t hold me to this. I said possibly. I’m going to take it slow. First comes the Run Through the Vineyards 10K in May, Fontana Days Half Marathon in June, and we’ll see what happens next.

The possibilities are endless.

What happens on the way to Vegas....

I really don't think the popular cliche applies to the road to Vegas or anything I did there, for that matter. I got on my Southwest flight Sunday evening during the Super Bowl. That's right. I wasn't interested, nor was I excited about going to Vegas. Let's just get this over with were my thoughts. Luckily, or so I thought, the flight wasn't full & most rows only had 2 people in the 3 seats. How nice! This should be uneventful. And it probably seemed like it was to everyone else on the plane. However, keep in mind that: 1--I have a freakish sense of smell and 2--I don't eat red meat or anything else I consider gross. So this girl in her early 20s is sitting next to me in the aisle seat and I'm at the window with an empty seat between us. So we both put our bags there and buckle in for the short flight. I pull out my glasses and my huge hardback copy of the latest Harry Potter book and delve into the Pensieve with Harry and Dumbledore as they look at the past. Then it begins. First she pulls out an apparent snack bag. I wasn't watching, but I could tell by the crinkling sound of the wrapping. And about 2 seconds after I hear her rip something from the bag, the smell of jerky floods my area. I turn on the fan above me, but it doesn't do much to help. Trying to ignore the STANK, I read on as we are introduced to Marvolo, Voldemort's grandfather. Finally, the bag of jerky is completely gone. I must have at least another 20 minutes left, so this flight can still be salvaged....

Then she starts making another noise. This time it's a familiar crackling of aluminum foil. She's unwrapping a homemade something or other. I have no idea what it was, but it was just as stinky, and to make things worse, sticky? I think it was, because she kept smacking her lips. And I read on trying to ignore the nastiness.

We finally arrive, and I jet. Get my rental car and find the Luxor by the following the light you can see from outer space. Try to find the registration desk, which is on the other side of the entrance--the other end of the casino. Then try to find the elevator that would take me to my room. I finally did, but walked around 20 minutes in the morning as I tried to find the exit! Work went fairly well, even though I got lost on my way there and I had to stay an extra day (only because the client loved me!) I actually had more fun than I thought I would. Found an awesome Argentinian cafe across the street from my work site. Did a little shopping at Mandalay Bay (treats for my Belle) and Excalibur (tie for my man), and walked to New York, New York and over the bridge to MGM (which happened to have Jello shots for 2 bucks--which may be the reason everything was so enjoyable!) Gambled away $6. Didn't win like in the dream I had.

Finally back at the rental place on my way back home, I had to pay an extra $42.37 for the extra day, and for some reason my work credit card was not going through. So I had to gather all the money I had left, including my emergency $10 to pay for the rental myself. That left me with 2 dollars--just $11 plus tip shy of a chair massage. And then as I got in the security line, they sent me down the glass-enclosed TSA extra security check. They made me stand inside a contraption with nozzles all over it. It blew air all over me as it checked me for a poisons or explosives, or something. I asked for a picture of me in it for my blog, but they said it was illegal, so 'no'. Then they made me take my new shoes off and stand around barefoot while they examined them for bombs. I was finally cleared and released into my gate, and there it was -- the video poker I had been looking for. The game that was going to make me rich with the $2 I had left. I wonder if the airport has $2 Jello shots somewhere, at least I could have done something productive with my money. Oh, by the way, the "nickel" slots, don't actually take nickels.

Home, sweet home. Ahhh...

Ever eat a grape?

I was driving through the Orange circle in downtown Orange yesterday afternoon and I saw a cute-looking old guy standing on the corner. From far away I could see he was waving at people as they drove through the intersection. White hair, stereotypical senior clothing including white orthopedic shoes. Just precious. Then I finally pulled up in front of him and read a sign he was holding: Wells Fargo - No loans to illegal immigrants. You know me, so of course, I yelled "You racist old man. So unAmerican," at him. (I've been holding back on the explitives because I have Grandpa Tom's truck and the license plate is his name- though he probably would have plenty to say, too!)

I don't know how I kept myself from going around and around that circle, but I went on to pick Nash up from work. I told our friend, Jeff, what had happened. "You ever eat a grape, old man?", I said. Jeff suggested I deck him with some grapes, oranges, mangoes....whatever you can buy off the side of the road from an hard-working "illegal immigrant." Screw you, old man.

Not everyone can wait to get into the United States legally. Not everyone is born in a country with the same opportunities that America offers. Not everyone is born in a country where they will be guaranteed food on their table every day. Not everyone is born in a country where education will be available to all. You have no idea, you ignorant jerk. And don't you dare tell me that "the illegals" take jobs from "Americans". Let's see you pick grapes or strawberries or cotton in the hot fields in inhumane conditions for unfair wages. Let's see you pay an arm and a leg for your fruit and produce or your soft cotton undies. Not gonna happen, you jackhole, because you will never get "Americans" to do the work. How dare you?

I know many immigrants who had NO choice but to get into America one way or another. Papers or no papers. I suppose they did have a choice - stay where they came from and face poverty, starvation, death. I guess it's an easy choice when your life depends on it. When you're willing to work but there are no jobs. When you want to feed your children, but you have no means. When you want to succeed, but your circumstances don't allow it. And let me tell you--the "illegal immigrants" I know contribute to our economy. They work, pay taxes, buy homes, pay their bills including your precious loans AND they love America.

Let us also try to recall the last time you heard about illegal immigrants holding up liquor stores, or drowning their children, or shooting up banks or post offices. I don't pretend to say that immigrants don't commit crimes, but don't you pretend that Americans don't either. Immigrants in America are no less American than you, my dear bigot. Every American came here from somewhere else at some point. (...oh, that's right, except for the Natives you stole it from.) You need to stop trying to impede American's right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, old man. And I'll stop now, because I love America too much to waste another breath on you.

Get down, Grandpa

Yesterday I took my grandfather to the doctor. It was the 3rd attempt this week, and almost successful this time. We made it all the way to the doctor's office and even waited outside for 20 minutes, but there seems to be no compassion for the ill in pain, and Grandpa decided to go home. He's been in so much pain lately as the cancer is now in his hip bones and it hurts to put pressure on his left side especially. Sitting in that chair was excruciating for him. Screw the fact that they gave him an appointment at 11:30, but let me know once we got there that it would be at least an hour before they would see him. And they couldn't help accomodate him by letting him wait on an exam room table on his side. Fucking assholes. They wouldn't even talk to the doctor to order labs, which is what he would have done anyway. I guess our healthcare system truly doesn't give a shit about a person's dignity. At least not in the Inland Valley. Do no harm my ass.

Well, I took Grandpa outside in the borrowed wheelchair and had him wait on the sidewalk while I went to get the car. Almost all the handicapped parking was open, so I was able to park the car slightly diagonal so that the transfer into the car was easier. As soon I got out of the car, an old man next to me starts yelling at me!!! Yelling about taking 2 spaces. I tried to ignore him after I asked, "Can't you see I'm picking someone up?" And then Grandpa pipes up with a number of comments, explitives and an "I can still kick your ass." Classic Tom.

That's about as angry as I've seen him throughout his entire illness. He was diagnosed in 1998, just after I met him. And he's welcomed me into the family with open arms. He always seems proud to call me his granddaughter and to introduce me to his friends as "the granddaughter I told you about." I don't think I can accurately or justly describe how he has dealt with the cancer in stride. I don't know if it's been easier for him because he worked in the ER so long that he appreciates the time he has to prepare and to spend with his family, or if he just somehow knew how to make it easier for the rest of us. What I do know is that he's okay with it and he's never nasty with us even when he's in pain. He can talk about it so openly. Even as I cry while he tells me how to take care of things once he's gone, who gets this or that and what to do with the rest. After I express my husband's sentiment of not wanting what's left because it'll mean he's gone. And he tenderly says, "Honey, we all have to go some time. You'll be okay."

January 24

Researchers say it's supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. Well, it wasn't for me, but today's off to a bangin' start. I'm supposed to be at Bootcamp right now. We're supposed to be meeting at Mt. Rubidoux to run hills and do all sorts of other fun stuff. I woke up late around 8:10, which only gave me 20 minutes to get all my stuff together and eat breakfast. Well, I managed. All I needed was my purse and my cell phone......

Where the hell is that stuff? and I tried calling my cell phone because that usually does the trick, and, nothing. So I called my husband, who says he saw it in his truck last night and forgot to mention it and meant to get get it for me but forgot. That's what I get for eating out last night! My hands were full of food, so I didn't realize that I was leaving my purse behind. And now my purse is at the train station & my classmates are at Mt. Rubidoux and my spirits are deflated.

Dammit!! I vote for January 25.

oh, the wind, the needles

I've been doing fairly well lately, with my allergies, I mean. I've hardly had the crazy sinus/allergy headaches, the ones that feel like I'm being poked in random places throughout my brain. I've had very few occurrences of the itchy eyes, even when I'm around the cats. And I haven't been all that plugged up, because I've stayed away from the cheese since the last incident. So I've been really pleased with my immunologist's treatments, that is, until Friday.

I went in for my twice a week allergy shot on Friday and there was a new lady named Carol. Carol, apparently, was filling in for someone on maternity leave. Carol seemed nice enough as we chit chatted while she prepared my shots. How nice. Then Carol turned on me and stabbed me in the arm with a syringe! What the hell? "Oh, Carol, why? Why would you do that to me? I hate needles and now I hate you! Connie and Contrissa don't hurt me like this! No wonder you're not a regular!" I swear--she stabbed me! "Oh, dear, what's the problem?" says Carol. "YOU FREAKIN' HARPOONED ME, YOU CRAZY. I DON'T ENJOY BEING HARPOONED BY NEEDLES, YOU CRAZY!" And things only got about 1% better for the other 2 shots as she pretended she would be gentle and she began by squeezing my delt in the style of Connie and Contrissa, only to once again stab the needle into my arm. (sigh in disgust)

I don't even want to go back there now. Even though it's been helping me feel better. And I know that I have to go back, but I will insist on anyone but Carol. I must. But I'm scared of the wind. It makes me itchy and dry and makes my face hurt again. My face hurt so much yesterday, that I opted out of outdoor Bootcamp today, so now I must go kick my own butt inside the gym. Will do. Oh, and, Bubba, why Bubba?

Reaction did not occur

Reaction did not occur. RDNO. Not a welcome message on the screen of your cholesterol machines. Especially not when you only have enough staff to handle a perfectly flowing program, not to mention 50 fewer capillary tubes because someone pushed the plungers all the way down and ruined them. So you tell your participant to drink more water because they are dehydrated and their blood is too thick to flow into the entire $20 a pop cassette. And when your blood's too thick, reaction does not occur. So part of the motto of this story is drink more water. And no, coffee is not water. Neither are Rock Stars, Red Bulls or Pepsi.

I always have thick blood when I'm not properly hydrated, but what about thick skin? What do I have to drink to develop some of that? Isn't it ironic that running health fairs that are meant to draw awareness to a person's health status: cholesterol, blood pressure, glucose levels, etc., translate for me into fast food and high cholesterol, an immediate all-day and then some rise in my blood pressure...and a day of no exercise--because like I always say, "Walking around at work all day doesn't do much for your heart! It's actually stress." But it's a killer on your feet when you're wearing masochistic heels. And like the other thing I always say, "Exercise DOES NOT come in a pill." So I end up with this pulsing in my brain from the blood pressure, and a tightening in my neck from the stress, and apparently, I look like I'm gonna blow.

Reaction did not occur. Reaction did not occur. Reaction did not occur. So Sybil-like, but it's not in my head. This is my life.

I just can't let go. Where's my RDNO?

And the only thing that gives me a little relief right now is that ducks do fly.

HOV

Those are the initials for the carpool lane: High Occupancy Vehicle lane. I've always wondered what it stood for and I finally found out this morning on Good Morning America. A pregnant lady in Phoenix drove in the carpool lane and got a ticket because she did not have a carpool. Of course. Makes perfect sense. She decided to contest the ticket and went to court to say that she did have a carpool because she is pregnant. Logically, her argument was overturned and she was ordered to pay the $367 dollar fine.

Really? Are you freakin' kidding me? You're pregnant so you think you can pass all the other drivers who also didn't take a car off the road? Come on, lady. Screw you. The carpool lane is meant to take cars off the road, you idiot. I couldn't swing by your house and pick up your "kid" along with my other riders so that you don't have to get on the road, can I? Well then you should stay the hell on the regular freeway. Once again, screw you.

Also, I need to address the supposed woman who called me yesterday to find out what business I had calling her boyfriend. First of all, I told her that I am his boss and was calling to offer him some work. Because of her accusatory tone I let her know the call was for him and not her business. So she called me a bitch!!! ????
Listen, girlie:
-I am a happily married woman and I have no romantic or sexual interest in your man, so back off.
-I have given him lots and lots of work with the intention of helping him put food in your baby's mouth.
-I have a lot respect for him tyring to do the best for his baby by putting up with your CRAZY self for so long. I also consider him a good friend and a great person and believes he deserves the best, so don't ruin things for him.
-A woman takes responsibility for her actions. You need to step back, take a look at all the things you've done and realize that you need to make a big change in your life. You're supposed to be trying to give your baby the best in life, and she's not going to get that with an unstable, unpredictable, jealous, swearing and screaming mother. What kind of person do you think she will grow up to be if you continue this way? Give her a chance. GROW UP and become a real woman.

Do ducks fly?

I really hope so. I was driving through the Riverwalk area on my way home today and I'm really concerned. You know Riverwalk if you live around here. It's very pretty, there's an actual fake river, picnic areas, fitness activity trails (which suck, huh Rusty?), a dog park, a stone monument (nickname witheld - contact me if you want to know), beautiful landscaping, etc. Well, there are ducks too. Herein lies my concern.

I was driving on Riverwalk Parkway and had just passed the Foster's Freeze turned Riverwalk Burgers turned Starbucks and was by the dog park and I looked down to my left and saw two beautiful white ducks. They were standing there on the median, still. Poor things, they looked scared or clueless. I'm not sure which, but they definitely looked stuck. And if you know the area, you know that cars drive very very fast through there, so if those ducks attempted to get back to their fake river on foot, they'd be gonners.

Why do animals in distress always cross my path? In just a span of 2 hours today, I saw 4 police giving out tickets. Where are they now? Who's going to stop traffic for these poor duckies? Well, I couldn't risk my life for these ducks. After all, I don't know them, even if Jonathan Livingston Seagull has a special place in my heart (and, yes, I know he's a seagull, but still.) And everyone knows I've done my share of animal welfare.

So I went over to the Riverwalk management office to advise them of the "situation" and a man there said that they'll be OK. He seemed so amused with my concern that I'm not sure if I believe him. Then I talked to my neighbors about it and they said they thought those ducks had their wings clipped. So I don't know. I'll cross my fingers and hope.

My OCD

Thursday, December 08, 2005

oh my... Category: Life OCD. I know people have mentioned it to me before. Just yesterday even. But really? Is it because I rearrange my Top 8 friends so that my page has better symmetry? Is that wrong? Does it have something to do with my need to containerize? To do certain things 'one way'? My way? The right way? So what if I have right and left socks? I knew of one guy who numbered his socks, so right-1 and left-1 were only worn together. You know what that means? Even wear. Genius! We do it with our shoes. Nothing wrong with that, right? I saw this poor lady on Ellen whose one foot grew 2 1/2 sizes larger than the other when she got pregnant. And it didn't shrink back so she has to buy 2 different sizes of the same shoe. More ammo for the not having kids argument. But back to the subject at hand, can you imagine the discomfort in her shoes if she mixed her socks? You know what I'm talking about...when your sock bunches up in the corner and it seems like you have a rock in your shoe. That happened to me at the gym once. I think I mistook a right sock for a left and ended up wearing 2 rights. I was trying to run but my stupid sock kept bothering me. I was wiggling my toes to try to fix it, I stopped and took my shoe off to try to rearrange, but it could not be helped. I had to cut my workout short before I lost control and flung my shoes across the gym in frustration. I try not to touch money. Do you know where it's been? All those nasty people touching gross stuff, themselves, kids. Yuck. Many men don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, and many women don't either. It happened the other day at Claim Jumper. I heard her pee and leave. Sick. So my deductive reasoning tells me that at least half the money out there has been in the hands or one of these pee and leave folk and that's just the bathroom dirties. Last time I was on my way home from Palmdale, this guy in the car next to me was on a dig...in his nose. I made sure to get his attention and offered him a look of disgust. And I see people touch it all the time. Especially at fast food restaurants....and then they use the same hands to put food in their mouths--without washing them first. And let me say--wetting your hands under the faucet for a second is NOT proper hand washing. Now you've just added a new medium for bacterial spread. Go wash your hands and come back to hear the rest of my spew. This brings me to the floor. All sorts of nasty stuff tracked all over floors everywhere. Especially in bathrooms. You know lots of us do the toilet squat in restrooms, and you know that not everything goes in the right spot each time. So why would you rest your purse on the ground? ILL! GROSS! Stay away from me! Well, I'm bored now. I think I have A.D.D. See you later. By the way--TP over or under? Over the top for me, thanks.

Would you move my cheese?

I've had my blog on MySpace for a few months now (I'm not ashamed), but I have some friends who won't sign up so I'm posting some of my previous blogs so that they can catch up on my life! Here's my blog from yesterday, Wednesday, January 4, 2006:

Most of you know that for the last 6 months I've been working really really hard to reach my health and fitness goals. Slowly but surely, it's been paying off. One of the things I had recently given up was my Diet Pepsi, mainly because of the increased risk for osteoporosis (you build bone density until about 30, then it's all downhill from there & those sodas rob your bones of all the good stuff). Anyways, I was proud of myself because I was down to about 1 or 2 a week from my 2 to 3 a day habit. Then one day, Jeremy mentioned that was good because he said that even though they're zero calorie sodas they bring on sweet cravings. Now sweet cravings aren't usually a problem for me. I don't like chocolate or ice cream or cookies or even snacking for that matter. The cheese is where it's at for me. The one sweet thing I usually like though, is Smucker's Seedless Strawberry Jam, which I can't eat very often anyway because it's either accompanied by peanut butter, which gives me heartburn, or cheese (that's right, cheese- cream, jack, heck-even feta) which I've tried to stop having around because of the cholesterol & fat factor. Well, all it took was a mention of the Diet Pepsi and I had to have some with my lunch that day. And sure enough, I had my stupid soda and wanted something sweet. In anticipation of an urge for PB&J, I had bought a sugar-free 10 cal jam which I paired with reduced-fat (and according to Nash, salty) peanut butter. Turns out that my plan to outsmart myself backfired because by the time I got to my second PB&J tortilla, I had a funny feeling on my tongue.

I didn't realize it at first. I had been reading Blink, and it had a section about these men who spent years analyzing and cataloging every facial expression - turns out there are hundreds and hundreds of them. So, of course, I was slightly more conscious of what my face was doing and I suddenly realized that my nose was crinkled and my eyebrows furrowed squinting my eyes. And I had that funny feeling on my tongue. It was tingly, numb, slimy and not pleasant like the full calorie PB&J. So screw 10 calorie jam and salty peanut butter. and Diet Pepsi. and bless Splenda.

Bless Splenda because that is one substitute that's my friend. It allows me to still have my mate cocido (Argentinian tea [pronunced mah-tay ko-see-doe]) without all those extra sugar calories. But those of you who know me intimately know that I have a hard time just drinking my mate solo. It is usually accompanied by a fresh loaf of french bread and a whole bunch of California Real Monterey Jack Cheese. (reverently) And I mean a lot of cheese. Probably the root of the 289 cholesterol last year. Anyways, I've been good about the cheese lately. I only had low-fat cottage cheese (still unopened) in my fridge and I've resisted buying the Jack on so many shopping trips....

until this weekend because I had my heart set on having turkey burgers for New Year's Day. And you can't very well have turkey burgers without cheese. So what did I do to prepare? I bought 2 POUNDS OF IT! I was, after all, getting a great deal. Buy in bulk for savings, right? Maybe if I was trying to bulk up--'cause that's what I did. I've eaten at least a pound of it, not to mention the 7/8ths french bread loaf (I guess I left the heel for posterity), countless turkey burgers & 150-cal buns and some Doritos, oh, and the strawberry Vodka. What a way to start off a new year.

Last week I heard Yoanna House (the model) tell a birthday girl to have a piece of cake for her. I thought it was kind of strange at first, but the thought lingered in my head and now it all makes sense to me. That's how you get that figure.... you have someone else have a piece for you. I doubt Yoanna sits down and eats a pound of cheese. So, please, have a slice of cheese in my honor-- if you can spare the calories.

Calorie primer:
1 pound equals 3500 calories
1 gram of carbohydrate or protein equals 4 calories
1 gram of fat equals 9 calories
1 gram of alcohol equal 7 calories
1 endless supply of water equals 0 calories

1 mile walked or run averages to about 100 calories

1 pound of cheese equals 17.6 miles

Not good considering the longest I've ever gone is 13 miles!