Would you move my cheese?

I've had my blog on MySpace for a few months now (I'm not ashamed), but I have some friends who won't sign up so I'm posting some of my previous blogs so that they can catch up on my life! Here's my blog from yesterday, Wednesday, January 4, 2006:

Most of you know that for the last 6 months I've been working really really hard to reach my health and fitness goals. Slowly but surely, it's been paying off. One of the things I had recently given up was my Diet Pepsi, mainly because of the increased risk for osteoporosis (you build bone density until about 30, then it's all downhill from there & those sodas rob your bones of all the good stuff). Anyways, I was proud of myself because I was down to about 1 or 2 a week from my 2 to 3 a day habit. Then one day, Jeremy mentioned that was good because he said that even though they're zero calorie sodas they bring on sweet cravings. Now sweet cravings aren't usually a problem for me. I don't like chocolate or ice cream or cookies or even snacking for that matter. The cheese is where it's at for me. The one sweet thing I usually like though, is Smucker's Seedless Strawberry Jam, which I can't eat very often anyway because it's either accompanied by peanut butter, which gives me heartburn, or cheese (that's right, cheese- cream, jack, heck-even feta) which I've tried to stop having around because of the cholesterol & fat factor. Well, all it took was a mention of the Diet Pepsi and I had to have some with my lunch that day. And sure enough, I had my stupid soda and wanted something sweet. In anticipation of an urge for PB&J, I had bought a sugar-free 10 cal jam which I paired with reduced-fat (and according to Nash, salty) peanut butter. Turns out that my plan to outsmart myself backfired because by the time I got to my second PB&J tortilla, I had a funny feeling on my tongue.

I didn't realize it at first. I had been reading Blink, and it had a section about these men who spent years analyzing and cataloging every facial expression - turns out there are hundreds and hundreds of them. So, of course, I was slightly more conscious of what my face was doing and I suddenly realized that my nose was crinkled and my eyebrows furrowed squinting my eyes. And I had that funny feeling on my tongue. It was tingly, numb, slimy and not pleasant like the full calorie PB&J. So screw 10 calorie jam and salty peanut butter. and Diet Pepsi. and bless Splenda.

Bless Splenda because that is one substitute that's my friend. It allows me to still have my mate cocido (Argentinian tea [pronunced mah-tay ko-see-doe]) without all those extra sugar calories. But those of you who know me intimately know that I have a hard time just drinking my mate solo. It is usually accompanied by a fresh loaf of french bread and a whole bunch of California Real Monterey Jack Cheese. (reverently) And I mean a lot of cheese. Probably the root of the 289 cholesterol last year. Anyways, I've been good about the cheese lately. I only had low-fat cottage cheese (still unopened) in my fridge and I've resisted buying the Jack on so many shopping trips....

until this weekend because I had my heart set on having turkey burgers for New Year's Day. And you can't very well have turkey burgers without cheese. So what did I do to prepare? I bought 2 POUNDS OF IT! I was, after all, getting a great deal. Buy in bulk for savings, right? Maybe if I was trying to bulk up--'cause that's what I did. I've eaten at least a pound of it, not to mention the 7/8ths french bread loaf (I guess I left the heel for posterity), countless turkey burgers & 150-cal buns and some Doritos, oh, and the strawberry Vodka. What a way to start off a new year.

Last week I heard Yoanna House (the model) tell a birthday girl to have a piece of cake for her. I thought it was kind of strange at first, but the thought lingered in my head and now it all makes sense to me. That's how you get that figure.... you have someone else have a piece for you. I doubt Yoanna sits down and eats a pound of cheese. So, please, have a slice of cheese in my honor-- if you can spare the calories.

Calorie primer:
1 pound equals 3500 calories
1 gram of carbohydrate or protein equals 4 calories
1 gram of fat equals 9 calories
1 gram of alcohol equal 7 calories
1 endless supply of water equals 0 calories

1 mile walked or run averages to about 100 calories

1 pound of cheese equals 17.6 miles

Not good considering the longest I've ever gone is 13 miles!